Meditation

She walked into the room just now
Turned a glance toward me
Yet refused to look me in the eyes
Of her discontinued affection
Yesterday’s old news
She turns and walks to the other side
Attached by hand is another one
He scans me, snarling,
“So, this is who I’m proceeding,
He doesn’t look so tough”
And I keep my eyes grounded in sorrow

So now I ponder upon her love for me
Was it real? Was it for good or all a hoax?
She takes him to her bedroom
The door shuts gently, muffling their giggling
I watch alert with open eyes
But my heart and mind tell me perfectly clear the situation

As I face that blood-stained cross
Behold, proof of His life that was lost
Absolving both sin and shame
Through His life I still remain
She unfaithful, as was I
To our Savior who chose to die
For two rebels engaged in sin
Given the choice, He’d die again
Behold before the Lord’s love I state
My love for her compares as hate
He loves me
He loves me

Of course I’m still in love with her
The glimpse of her smile
Her smell makes my heart patter
Like a puppy dog panting – a melting candle heart
In the distance I stand fixed upon her eyes

And in the distance I admit our friendship died
Mine moved away in miles, hers in spirit likewise
In the callousness of my soul
I meditate on her, but You I dismiss
Several months and a plane ticket later
Our paths cross to reveal where we are
In the still of her bedroom a photo remains
That brings enough memories to cause heartache

Though my thoughts of her bring trials enough
Eyes pour tears for the shadows seen
Of he who led her heart astray
Betrayal and brokenness leave me to contemplate
How can I hold this against her
When to Your face I have done far worse
She neglected me with no response
I, the same, to Your call
Tempted me she did to sin
Commit I did by giving in
Led me astray from my Lord
Worshipped her I did a whore
Disposed of me like filthy trash
You, I’ve repeated in same fashion

Forgiveness has yet to heal the heartache
Cause I still resent the friendship that has failed
I turn to her wanting – she pushes quick away
It’s clear her heart is on other matters

And I ask if this is how I treat Thee
You call me forward
I resist – kicking and screaming
Lord, break me
Break into my heart
Take me
Break me until I bleed
Break me
Melt into my heart
Break me
Melt me until I’m free

Hers sins against me don’t come even close
To the transgressions against You I chose
Disgraced her flesh, disgrace Your name
Acted foolishly in abundant shame
Forgive me for times I’ve lusted
For her body – It was sin
That I made her goddess and whore
Instead of bowing to You, my Lord
Who died for me and rose above

Solely out of everlasting love
As I kneel before the cross
Contemplating the sin that cost
Blood of the Eternal Lamb Divine
For salvation – life everlasting mine
Who am I to keep within
Her errs against me in a list of sins?
When as far as the east is from the west
So far have my crimes been lifted from my chest
Yes, so she now loves me not
I will not resent, lest I forget
He who made her loves me so
His word confirms – this I know
He loves me
He loves me