I realized today that I want to be like Jesus. On earth, He was holy, yet forgiving and compassionate. He went after sinners, yet didn’t sin. I want to know how he reached out to others without getting pulled down.
I’m not forgiving. I’m tolerant…or more accurately…apathetic. I don’t care if you burn in hell, as long as I’m okay. I can’t change the outcome so why bother, right? After all, if God wants me to preach the Gospel, it’s His fault if He’d doesn’t make me, right?
Who am I to charge God with wrongdoing?
Our new Bible study group is going to study Hebrews. I love the book. It gives so many illustrations of how Jesus is supreme, yet understands and feels what we feel.
I wish I knew what Paul meant by “I want to know Christ…” I want to know Him more, and the tension between legalism and liberalism drives me to want to know Christ deeper.
I’ve failed many times as an evangelist. My biggest failure is my fear of failure which causes me to fail. I don’t know how to tell others about Jesus. I don’t know how to start and I especially don’t know how to finish. I can’t close the deal or make the sale. Most of the time, I make the Christian walk seem like more like being drafted than winning the lottery. To ease my conscience, I ridicule other people’s methods of evangelism and assume a pacifistic attitude that God has already determined who’s saved and who’s not. Yet, my blatant disregard and disobedience makes me wonder, “Do I really know Christ?”
I pray that I’d be more willing to be an obedient fool for Christ’s sake than like the disobedient wise.